i hate blogs.

I'm not really the kind of person who has ever really committed himself to a journal. I also think that 90% of the people that have a blog are at least partial idiots. 

I guess I belong in that idiot category.  

So, what? Shall I introduce myself or something?

Hi. I'm Philote. No, that is not my legal name. I'm not entirely sure why I don't feel like using my legal name, but I've decided not to nonetheless. 

I hate myself most of the time.

I was one of those kids that should have gotten to high school years early, graduated at the top, and gone on to make millions doing some extremely intelligent thing that very few would ever care about. I was the smart kid. I gave up. I lost my ambition.

Sometimes I blame my family, sometimes I think I'm depressed. Mostly, I just blame myself. 

I rarely show emotion anymore. I feel less and less human every day. I have a couple friendships that now mean very little more than the occasional enjoyment of each other's company. 

I've had what is commonly viewed as a broken heart a total of 2 times. 

Sometimes I blame the broken heart for my emotionless, unmotivated existence. But if I think back, it was long before that where I started not caring. My "broken hearts" are merely catalysts that sped up an already progressing disease.

Sometimes I doubt that I was even in love at all. 

Why can't I feel anything?

Am I even alive?

I am an empty shell.