Regret.

Why am I an asshole?

I get it, I don't love them. 

But, dammit, why couldn't I still be nice to them? I could have been a friend, couldn't I?

I just read about how much I've hurt one of them. She was so alone, and I couldn't even say "hi."

Am I really so selfish?

I had an excuse. They're better without me. I won't make any mistakes this way. I can't make it worse. 

But, you lazy fucking piece of shit, you could have made it better. You could have helped. You could have been a decent human being.

You ruin everything.

You... asshole.